Not the start I wanted to my 2013 NFL Season. I woke up this morning to find out that my beloved Twitter account (@bryan_CTP) was suspended. Not only on the day the NFL season starts, but my favorite team the Denver Broncos are playing tonight. If you have been waiting to hit me when the time was right Twitter and I was my most vulnerable, then touché. Because honestly, what’s even the point of watching anything anymore if you can’t ramble through your thoughts on Twitter with others? Not to mention all of the great fantasy football talk I’m missing at this moment that could help me set lineups. And the pictures of cute puppies I’m not getting to see.
The most common question asked to me has been “How did you get suspended from Twitter?” Honestly, I don’t know the answer. I’ve been examining the clues, interviewing witnesses and excavating bodies to find answers and I still don’t have anything conclusive. But this I believe: Like all things that are terrible, it somehow ties into a cheesy, tired NBC drama called CAMP that airs Wednesdays at 9:00 central. I have been known to point out plot holes and clichés repeatedly during airings. Or it could have been because I mentioned I have taken Josh Gordon on every fantasy team (6) I’ve drafted this year. I did also point out that I thought Katherine Webb was overrated. Regardless, it’s been a soul-searching day.
I’m not saying I’m going through exactly what Nelson Mandela did, but I can relate now.
I’m not one to let the agenda of being singled-out by Roger Goodell get me down, so luckily I had already capped my games prior to this debacle. I’m back in the saddle with ten — count’em — TEN games for you to kick off the season right. My system this first week involves teams that are undervalued and teams that are so bad, they should quit football to become writers for NBC’s CAMP (season finale next Wednesday.
Now, there is a game tonight involving this year’s eventual Super Bowl champions and the frauds who won last year’s Super Bowl. This game didn’t make my pick criteria because I couldn’t back Denver with all of the defensive issues in this game and my dislike for Joe Flacco. If I had to make a pick, I would take Baltimore if I got the line higher than seven. Just a gut feel that the game is closer than it should be on paper. Baltimore’s defense should be pretty solid and the Broncos STILL don’t have a running back. I’ve heard rumors of Knowshon Moreno tonight, which is ridiculous after drafting two running backs in early rounds in two years. But on to the picks…
Good luck to us all this season. I’m yet to have a losing season here at The Hazean so let’s go make hay while the sun’s out.
H/T to @BourbonGhost for the photo.
INDIANAPOLIS -9.5 vs. Raiders – This is a pretty big line for week one. It’s no secret the Raiders are terrible with a capital T. I’m pretty sure that in three weeks, Raiders’ lines are going to be around 17. I’m jumping on them quick before people realize just how bad their line of scrimmage is going to be. Also, the Colts are going to be pretty good.
NEW ENGLAND -8.5 vs. Bills – The other big line I’m taking. Starting E.J. Manuel who hasn’t even played much in the preseason? Yea, put me down for three of those good sir. If you want to tease down both the Patriots and the Colts I wouldn’t blame you, but I don’t think you’ll need it.
TAMPA BAY -4 vs. Jets – This completes the trifecta of betting against bad teams breaking in rookie quarterbacks. It’s like a triple-level dumpster fire. The Bucs are nothing special but they did have a sneaky good front 7 on defense while adding Revis this offseason. Good enough to stop the Jets attack cold as far as I’m concerned.
ARIZONA +4.5 vs. Rams – I really think this game comes down to a field goal. I get why everyone is jumping in on the Rams this year but the Cardinals aren’t bad enough to be laying this kind of number. Carson Palmer plus their defense is enough to keep them in the game the whole time.
GREEN BAY +4.5 vs. Niners – Kind of like the Cardinals pick, I think this is a high number given how good Green Bay will be this year. If nothing else, I’ll take the points with them here based upon the value. I know everyone remembers their playoff game but I’m banking on the Packers have learned how to defend the read option by now. Surely they have right?
MINNESOTA +5 vs. Lions – This marks the third straight year that the Lions are one of the most popular week one favorites on the board. You may remember them last year as nine point favorites against St. Louis (they lost straight up) and then going on to be terrible favorites all year. Until they show me different, I’ll go against them as a team the public backs for nothing other than some flashy offense at times.
MIAMI +1 vs. Browns – I can’t contain my excitement for this marquee matchup. In what basically comes down to a pick’em, I’ll take the Fins to prove that their big offseason was worth it. If they don’t win this game, there is a great chance they start 0-5 and people will be fired. Also, I need Lamar Miller to be a great fantasy running back so I’m hoping that offense is on track early.
PITTSBURGH -7 vs. Titans – I can’t understand why so many people are backing the Titans here. I hate almost everything about their team this year. The Steelers are going to run away with this game. No really, it’s going to be a beat-down.
PHILADELPHIA +3 vs. Redskins – This is more of a going against RGIII after no preseason play than believing in Michael Vick play. Provided Vick can hold onto the ball, this should be a great game. I think the Eagles steal this one.
HOUSTON -3.5 vs. Chargers – The Chargers aren’t quite at the level of the first three teams we are betting against, but they are pounding at the dumpster door. Houston has questions to prove and think they are focused for a Monday night game in San Diego. I don’t know how the Chargers are going to find the offense once they fall behind. The Texans will just continue running until the clock is out.