Like a New Orleans cockroach, this is the week when the morons come crawling out from everywhere.

“Hey, you really need a receiver, and I need a quarterback. I’ll give you Davone Bess for Eli Manning. … No? Well, what do you want? Victor Cruz? Well, that would ruin my 12-point combo.”

Buddy, do me a favor and lose my email address.

As desperation sits in, the perennial losers will do what they always do. They’ll offer you something ridiculous and then get hosed by your best friend, which will tick you off even more.

I’ve written for years how Weeks 4 and 5 were always the ones where you had to sit, grit your teeth and bear the foolishness.

The good teams who started slow will find a way out of a bind and get themselves back into contention, while the same loser owners who finish 4-9 every year will soon not care about fantasy football any more. Some of them won’t even change their lineups in Week 10 because “it doesn’t make a difference.”

I’ve always wondered why those people didn’t just donate their money to charity. At least they can write that off.

Don’t be that moron. Now is most definitely the time to determine your strengths and weaknesses and to shore up your bench. Buy low, sell high. Do it now.

Because you just don’t know how long Mr. Dummy will continue to care. That’s only if you can bear to hear a couple of ridiculous offers first.


Christian Ponder
, Vikings at Lions (20th vs. pass)
The Lions are one of just three teams in the NFL without an interception. Ponder has yet to throw a pick, and has played surprisingly well, ranking in the top half of most fantasy leagues. If your QB1 has a tough matchup or is on a bye, grab him quickly, as he is available in more than half the CBS leagues.
Honorable mention: Matt Schaub, Texans vs. Titans (did you see Tennessee’s D last week?)

BenJarvus Green-Ellis
, Bengals at Jaguars (30th vs. run); Tashard Choice, Bills vs. Patriots (7th vs. run)
Look for Cincinnati to try and establish the run early, and when they get a nice lead later on, The Law Firm could end up with 25 carries or more. … If you’re looking to grab someone off the waiver wire, then this could be the right Choice. With C.J. Spiller and Fred Jackson banged up, Choice gets his chance to shine.
Honorable mention: Daniel Thomas, Dolphins at Cardinals (speaking of getting a chance to shine …); Ryan Williams, Cardinals vs. Dolphins (job clearly his now with Beanie Wells out)

Jordy Nelson
, Packers vs. Saints (25th vs. pass); Pierre Garcon, Redskins at Bucs (32nd vs. pass)
That’s not a misprint: the Saints really are 25th against the pass, not 32nd. For Nelson owners waiting for him to do something, anything, this is the week. And if it isn’t, then it really is time to panic. … It looks like Garcon is going to play this week, and assuming he does, you just can’t leave him out of the lineup. He obviously is RGIII’s top target, and the rookie QB should have a field day against this atrocious defense.
Honorable mention: Eric Decker, Broncos vs. Raiders (just a hunch he’s becoming more important in offense); James Jones, Packers vs. Saints (What’s that? Your sister plays for the Packers? OK, start her, too.)

Marcedes Lewis
, Jaguars vs. Bengals (23rd vs. pass)
Coach Mike Mularkey stressed that Lewis would become a more focal point of the offense, and that sounds like a good idea. Doesn’t mean it will last, but for the interim, this could work out nicely.
Honorable mention: Jermichael Finley, Packers vs. Saints (I can only pound home the message so much)

KICKER: Matt Bryant, Falcons vs. Panthers (scoreboard operator might get carpel-tunnel)


Tony Romo
, Cowboys vs. Bears (6th vs. pass)
As the bye weeks get cranking, there will be lots of times when fantasy owners have no choice than to go with your QB2. If Romo is yours, do yourself a favor and scour the waiver wire for someone better.
Not-so-honorable mention: Cam Newton, Panthers at Falcons (if only Carolina could play the Saints every week); Michael Vick, Eagles vs. Giants (the guy is dead to me until he has game without a pick)

Alfred Morris
, Redskins at Bucs (1st vs. run); Jamaal Charles, Chiefs at Chargers (4th vs. run)
As bad as Tampa Bay has been against the pass, they have been mighty against the run. I have heard all week that Morris should have a field day this week, but I don’t agree. I think that RGIII will have a fantastic day, and unless the ‘Skins grab a big lead, which I don’t expect, it’s going to be mostly through the air. … Please realize that last week’s performance for Charles was an aberration. He still is coming off a major knee injury, and his performances will vary week to week. This week, it should be slow going.
Not-so-honorable mention: Mikel Leshoure, Lions vs. Vikings (I’m not buying the hype …. sell high); Andre Brown, Giants at Eagles (didn’t I just say sell high?)

Brandon Marshall
, Bears at Cowboys (2nd vs. pass); Marques Colston, Saints at Packers (1st vs. pass)
I have restrained myself this year in vocalizing my dislike over Jay Cutler, but it has not waned. He seems to do extraordinarily well against pitiful teams, and then lays an egg against pressure. Well, Rob Ryan knows how to dial up pressure, which means bad things for the deep game and Marshall. … Even when he has been on the field, Colston has been either insignificant or dropping passes much of the time. Until he gets it together, you just can’t start him unless you have no other options.
Not-so-honorable mention: Kenny Britt, Titans at Texans (tough matchup and – surprise – he’s hurt yet again); Danny Amendola, Rams vs. Seahawks (do you really want to start anyone from this team, anyway?)

Martellus Bennett
, Giants at Eagles (3rd vs. pass)
The Eagles have allowed just three passing touchdowns all season, and none have been to a tight end. Although he has been a go-to guy, it might be wise to play a second option if you have one.
Not-so-honorable mention: Kyle Rudolph, Vikings at Lions (not a two-week-in-a-row kinda guy)

KICKER: Robbie Gould, Bears at Cowboys (gonna be a long day for da Bears)

MY WEEK 4 LINEUPS (as of Thursday)

FINKS FOOTBALL LEAGUE (touchdown-heavy scoring, 3 pts passing TD, no PPR, 20-team keeper league with two separate conferences – which have separate drafts — of 10 teams)
MojoXpress (1-2, lost 31-19)
Starters: PRivers, MLynch, LMcCoy, CalJohnson, JNelson, PHarvin (flex), JFinley, DAkers
Bench: MVick, JFreeman, ABradshaw, KevSmith, BTate, BWells, DAmendola, RMoss, JGresham, SGraham

WHO DAT LEAGUE (mostly standard scoring, 6 pts passing TD, no PPR, 12-team keeper league)
Squirrel Pool (2-1, won 76-66)
Starters: PRivers, TRichardson, MLynch, VCruz, KBritt, RMoss (flex), JFinley, Lions Def, GHartley
Bench: MStafford, KevSmith, KOgletree, ABrown, RTurbin, BWells, DPitta

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